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It was just 2 weeks ago, a Sunday morning, I called my dad to ask him for lunch, he said he wanted to come by my place to have lunch with me. I quickly took a shower and tidy up the place and then called my dad again to see what he wanted for lunch. He told me that he changed his mind on coming as he wasn’t feeling well, having a cough and lack of sleep. The moment he said that, I knew something was amiss. You see, my dad has never turned down lunch with us children before, not unless he has prior engagements. I texted my sis immediately to ask if everything is ok. She said it was probably due to tiredness and we both wrote it off. Later that night, I got a call from my bro that my dad was admitted to the hospital for a heart attack. I panicked and was in shocked, and rushed to the hospital. My dad had trouble breathing, as his lungs were filled with water due to the attack, and he was having cold sweat. Doctors manage to stabilize him and he spent the night in the CCU.

7 days passed and my dad seemed to be recovering and was good enough to be discharged. All of us were happy of course, and decided to throw him a welcome party in the evening. We bought and cooked food. But around 5PM, I received a call from my cousin who was visiting that they are bringing my dad back to the hospital as he again had difficulties breathing. I panicked again. It’s a second heart attack. This time I knew, it’s pretty bad. He stayed in the ICU for about a night and was able to check in to the normal ward the following day. It was good news indeed, as it shows he is recovering well. 2 days later, the doctor advised him to go for an angiogram. I was a bit surprised that it was so soon because I know his heart is still weak. To be honest, I was quite skeptical about this particular doctor’s call already, as my dad shouldn’t have been discharge the first time as he was still weak. Accordingly, my dad was discharge because this doctor wanted to go on leave (WTF??). Anyway, who are we to judge the doctors, since they ARE suppose to know what they are doing right? Personally, I think this doctor is trying to fix a mistake that was made earlier by discharging my dad so soon.

Day came, and the angiogram was performed. Not very good news, as they found that my dad has a very serious blockage in the middle of 2 main arteries. The doctor said, there is a risk that he might go on the table as they would not want to risk blocking the one good main artery that he has. So now, we cannot do ballooning, neither could we do a by-pass surgery. Great!.Doctor’s advice? Need to rest more until his heart is stronger because no doctor would want/dare to operate on him as his blood pressure drops each time they do something. I seriously wanted to seek a second opinion at that time, but didn’t because I was more concern about my dad being better first. They put him in CCU for the night after the angiogram, and it was supposed to be only for observation.

A day later, my dad got worse. He couldn’t eat nor drink much as he kept throwing up each time. He also felt aches all over his body and was unable to sleep and kept feeling restless. A day later, he was peeing blood as his kidney began to deteriorate. Later that evening, his speech was also affected. It seemed that he had a minor paralysis to his face as he was slurring as I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I stayed over the hospital that night, hoping all will be better as time goes by.

Morning came. My dad is no longer conscious, and could no longer respond to my callings. Around 1010AM, he took his last breath as I was with him by his bedside. I’m very glad he went peacefully without suffering much.

I guess it’s one of those situations where “damn if you do, and damn if you don’t” for my dad. No use pondering now on “what ifs” and wonder would the outcome be different if we did things differently. Nothing we do now will bring my dad back. I guess it proves that life so uncertain. One minute you can be here, the next you’re in your grave. All this happened so fast and sudden (a little to fast and sudden actually). One thing is for certain though; I know I miss him already. I love you dad. You will be in my thoughts and prayers forever. May you rest in peace.