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It was just 2 weeks ago, a Sunday morning, I called my dad to ask him for lunch, he said he wanted to come by my place to have lunch with me. I quickly took a shower and tidy up the place and then called my dad again to see what he wanted for lunch. He told me that he changed his mind on coming as he wasn’t feeling well, having a cough and lack of sleep. The moment he said that, I knew something was amiss. You see, my dad has never turned down lunch with us children before, not unless he has prior engagements. I texted my sis immediately to ask if everything is ok. She said it was probably due to tiredness and we both wrote it off. Later that night, I got a call from my bro that my dad was admitted to the hospital for a heart attack. I panicked and was in shocked, and rushed to the hospital. My dad had trouble breathing, as his lungs were filled with water due to the attack, and he was having cold sweat. Doctors manage to stabilize him and he spent the night in the CCU.

7 days passed and my dad seemed to be recovering and was good enough to be discharged. All of us were happy of course, and decided to throw him a welcome party in the evening. We bought and cooked food. But around 5PM, I received a call from my cousin who was visiting that they are bringing my dad back to the hospital as he again had difficulties breathing. I panicked again. It’s a second heart attack. This time I knew, it’s pretty bad. He stayed in the ICU for about a night and was able to check in to the normal ward the following day. It was good news indeed, as it shows he is recovering well. 2 days later, the doctor advised him to go for an angiogram. I was a bit surprised that it was so soon because I know his heart is still weak. To be honest, I was quite skeptical about this particular doctor’s call already, as my dad shouldn’t have been discharge the first time as he was still weak. Accordingly, my dad was discharge because this doctor wanted to go on leave (WTF??). Anyway, who are we to judge the doctors, since they ARE suppose to know what they are doing right? Personally, I think this doctor is trying to fix a mistake that was made earlier by discharging my dad so soon.

Day came, and the angiogram was performed. Not very good news, as they found that my dad has a very serious blockage in the middle of 2 main arteries. The doctor said, there is a risk that he might go on the table as they would not want to risk blocking the one good main artery that he has. So now, we cannot do ballooning, neither could we do a by-pass surgery. Great!.Doctor’s advice? Need to rest more until his heart is stronger because no doctor would want/dare to operate on him as his blood pressure drops each time they do something. I seriously wanted to seek a second opinion at that time, but didn’t because I was more concern about my dad being better first. They put him in CCU for the night after the angiogram, and it was supposed to be only for observation.

A day later, my dad got worse. He couldn’t eat nor drink much as he kept throwing up each time. He also felt aches all over his body and was unable to sleep and kept feeling restless. A day later, he was peeing blood as his kidney began to deteriorate. Later that evening, his speech was also affected. It seemed that he had a minor paralysis to his face as he was slurring as I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I stayed over the hospital that night, hoping all will be better as time goes by.

Morning came. My dad is no longer conscious, and could no longer respond to my callings. Around 1010AM, he took his last breath as I was with him by his bedside. I’m very glad he went peacefully without suffering much.

I guess it’s one of those situations where “damn if you do, and damn if you don’t” for my dad. No use pondering now on “what ifs” and wonder would the outcome be different if we did things differently. Nothing we do now will bring my dad back. I guess it proves that life so uncertain. One minute you can be here, the next you’re in your grave. All this happened so fast and sudden (a little to fast and sudden actually). One thing is for certain though; I know I miss him already. I love you dad. You will be in my thoughts and prayers forever. May you rest in peace.

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe that all things happen for a reason? Well, I’m not really a true believer of fate but I do believe things happen for a reason.

A few months ago, I was planning my annual trip to Singapore to do some shopping and also to party with my friends there. I had to postponed the trip because I had to attend a wedding of a good friend of mine. At first I was quite hesitant to go for his wedding simply because it was held out of town. But nevertheless, my friend is only married once and I was to be one of his many "heng dais", so I guess the choice was a pretty obvious one…so Singapore can wait.

Well, all I can say now is that I never regretted the trip. The saying that love works in mysterious ways is so true indeed. Like a fairytale or a script out of some Hollywood chick flick; I was one of the groomsmen and she was one of the bridesmaid. I guess love finds you when you least expect it…and yes..I found her there and we’re together now.  =)

They say patience is a virtue and they say also good things will come to those who wait. Well,  I think I’ve been waiting long enough. It’s time for something good to happen. *Fingers crossed* ;)

Last week and the week before, I have friends who have asked me if I wanted to go to Rootz and Zouk for a nice night out. I am glad they asked me, but I had to decline because I made a vow to myself to stay off clubbing indefinitely. I think I’ve kinda outgrown the clubbing life. Majority of the people in there are younger than I am they all look and behave like kids….seriously! Well that’s because THEY ARE! Most of them barely out of college or just graduated with a job and have some cash to blow.

I admit I was like that once, and I was thinking back, sharing with a few friends the other day. The best clubbing days were during my college days. It amazes me how we use to go clubbing and raves every Friday and Saturday night without fail. It also amazes me how we even find all that cash to do it while only living on allowances from our parents. No matter how far the raves were; from Malacca to Genting to Port Dickson, you’ll see us there. I was reminiscing the days where we were underage and went in anyways. I remember we use to go as early as 9PM before the crowd came and before they start the cover charges just because we college students wanted to save a few bucks. Also having only 1 drink for the whole night was enough for us to have fun. We even parked the car at the cheapest car park possible even though if it meant a longer walk to the clubs. I guess that’s how we manage to save and go clubbing twice a week eh?

There was one incident in this club called “Hot Java” (circa 1998-1999 I think)  which is now more known as Benard’s in Centrepoint in Bandar Utama. Imagine this scenario: We were in college; we went in with some underage girls; police came for a raid; my friends and I hid in a walk-in cold room in the premise to avoid the cops…well the owner of the club asked us to hide there as they didn’t want to get fined for letting in underage patrons either. Scary right? But that’s all the fun bits!

I remember the number of kill-buzz raids that ruined the night. The numerous drunk stories. The numerous of substances (shhh..you didn’t hear it from me). The supper/breakfast before we head for home..

Now I can no longer stand extremely crowded places that you have to push your way through just to get to the toilet and worst of all, you have to shout or write a message on paper just to communicate. Yea, it looks really stupid when you see 2 people writing text messages on their phones and showing the other person the message to let them know what they want to say because the music is too loud to even talk!

These days, I will rather spend my time in bars/pubs with the company of a few good friends where we can sit, drink and chat. The only way you will ever see me in a club now is if there is a client event or a friend’s birthday. Other than that, I will most likely decline.. SORREH! Call me an old uncle but it’s true…I AM too old for this shit!

I keep telling myself the year 2010 will be themed “Rebuilding” for me. I’m rebuilding for the better. I’m rebuilding because I’m sick of the old and need change. Well I don’t know about you, but for me I need constant change in my life…change to progress in life. You see, I have this “thing” where I do a self assessment every 2 years or so to see where I am, and what have I accomplished during these few years. Something like your computer if you will. Need to install bug fixes from time to time to make sure that there are no flaws and threats to the system. But if there are too many flaws to fix, then it’s time to format your PC and do a fresh reinstall…hence rebuilding a new system.

I’m sure you’re wondering what exactly it is that I’m rebuilding. Well for starters, CAREER. I have been working in a great company for the past 2 and half years, with great people and great work environment but somehow I always knew that I will outgrow it one day. Don’t get me wrong, I love it there, but again I don’t see myself progressing if I were to stay any longer. So what did I do? I took a risk and resigned 3 months ago in hopes of finding a better place. Why risk? Because I didn’t have a job offer anywhere prior to handing in my resignation. I did it because I knew I had 3 months to look for a job, which gave me some time. I did it because I just wanted out as I can’t stand being stagnant and not progress.

Just a few weeks ago, my new employers presented me with a very good opportunity. An opportunity in terms of learning, as things that I will be doing there, is different to what I’m currently doing in my company. It’s an opportunity for career progression because it’s an MNC that has worldwide connections, therefore might be useful to me should I want to explore outside Malaysia. And of course the remuneration and company benefits that came along with it simply made it hard to say no to. It’s also flattering to know, that people in the industry talks about you by giving good recommendations to their company. To those who know what I’m talking about…THANK YOU! In case you’re wondering, I was also offered a job by a rival company of my future employers but I turned them down because their offer wasn’t as attractive.

FRIENDSHIPS – My friends are my life. Honestly, I owe every single one a big THANK YOU just for being my friend. I don’t know where I will be or what I would do without them. I have drifted apart with some good old friends these past few years. We drifted apart because both parties were busy with our own things, and with our new circle of friends. We might also take it for granted that we’ll be there for each other each and every time. It’s also partly my fault for not making the effort for keeping in touch…which is why I’m hoping to reconnect with them and rebuilding our friendships. It’s funny because these are the people I probably know the longest and are the ones who I trust the most, but yet somehow we seem distant of late. Well, I hope to change that soon.

Finally…RELATIONSHIPS. Now, relationships not always necessarily mean a girl. Relationship here mean improve relationships with myself and my family members. I say “myself” because I think it’s very important to love yourself first before you can start to love someone else. In my case here, loving yourself means being motivated, confident and having self believe. Try saying to yourself “I love me for me!” and see how you feel. It’s not about being egoistic, arrogant or vain, but how many of you can say that and actually mean it? Not many I suppose. Well, not entirely for me at least. I do try to be and see things as positively as possible but I think there is still room for improvement…which is why I want to work on improving my personal relationship with myself first before anything else.

Family photo taken on Christmas Eve 2009 with auntie Elaine

Next comes my family. Now I know I haven’t exactly been the best son/brother but I think I’ll put in more effort in spending time with them, especially my dad. I don’t see him every day now that I live out on my own. But you know what? He seems to be getting older each time I do see him even if it’s every week. I’m not kidding! It’s scary yet heartbreaking sometimes to see my dad age. He’s been losing weight and now has many visible white hair on his scalp. It just hit me that times like these are the most precious, and that I need to be spending it more with my family members.

So here is a toast to Rebuilding for 2010! To CAREER, FRIENDSHIPS and RELATIONSHIPS! :)